Skye Thomas

Skye Thomas
Writer, Rebel, and Soapbox Ranter

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

To Know You Is To Love You - Looking Up Newsletter

November 19th, 2012
Looking Up Newsletter

Hello everyone,

It has been eight years since I wrote today’s feature article. There’s a part of the article where I mention a couple of songs. I haven’t thought of one of those songs for a couple of years and just the other day it came back to me again and I have recently been trying to remember to take the time to re-listen to it and to see if it still moves me like it used to do.

As we enter the holidays and we all think about what kinds of gifts to give to our loved ones, I think I might run a series of articles about love, romance, family, and other types of interpersonal relationships stuff. We’ll see if I still remember this idea next week!

In the meantime, I hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving weekend and that you get to spend time with those that you love.

take care,
Skye Thomas


Tomorrow's Edge
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This Month's News of Interest:


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Who is Skye Thomas?

Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow's Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. Her books, articles, and astrological forecasts have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. To read more of her articles, previews of her books, and her astrology forecasts, go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net. To read more about Skye and to read archives of this free weekly newsletter, go to www.SkyeThomas.com.



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Quote of the Week:

A friend is someone who knows all about you, and loves you just the same. - Elbert Hubbard

You can understand and relate to most people better if you look at them -- no matter how old or impressive they may be -- as if they are children. For most of us never really grow up or mature all that much -- we simply grow taller. O, to be sure, we laugh less and play less and wear uncomfortable disguises like adults, but beneath the costume is the child we always are, whose needs are simple, whose daily life is still best described by fairy tales. - Leo Rosten

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. – Unknown




Feature Article of the Week:


To Know You Is To Love You

How do you show someone you love them? Do you buy them expensive gifts? Spend quality time together? Make personal sacrifices just to see them smile? Dedicate a song to them? Write a love letter or note of encouragement? Become their cheerleader? Those are wonderful things to do but my question goes deeper than those types of activities, even beyond your romantic partner. Think about your parents, your children, your best friend, your sister, or your brother… anyone you love. How do you really show them that you love them? Reverse the question if you like – how do you really know if someone loves you?

The answer lies in getting to know them. To truly love someone is to care about them to the very depth of who and what they are, what they believe, what they like, what they dislike, how they respond under pressure. It is so much more than what is their favorite color? Who is their favorite musician? All-time favorite movie? It is knowing that they do not like fruit flavors in their colas, no cherry or lemon cokes. It is knowing just what temperature she likes her bubble bath. It is knowing that he prefers wearing cotton and why. It is knowing the perfect birthday present when they didn’t even know what to ask for. It is looking at each other across a room and sharing a private joke without saying a word. Loving someone is the ability to see past the polite response to “How’s it going?” and knowing that they really are not “Fine, thanks.”

How do you get to that point? You watch them. You observe them. You ask them questions. You really listen to their answers. You figure it out. Why do you put so much time and energy into it? Because you love them. Because they fascinate you. Because you really do not have anything more important to do with your time. You are really truly present. You do not ever stop. How many relationships fizzle because we simply grow apart? We grow apart because we are not paying attention to each other anymore. We are no longer connected.

Maybe you are bitter because your own needs are not being met. Fair enough. It sucks to be in a one-sided relationship. No argument there. Tell them. Tell them you feel ignored, unimportant, and distant, like it just isn’t special anymore. Tell your mother you miss being really connected and close. Tell your lover you feel like the two of you are running on autopilot and it just isn’t that incredible close relationship that you once had. Tell your teenager that you hate the distance that is growing between you. Reach out afterwards and ask them to share their heart’s secrets with you. “Tell me who you are. Tell me what you dream of. Tell me, do you still love chocolate ice cream with Oreos on the side for breakfast? Tell me what your soul is made of, and I’ll tell you about mine.” Then listen, really listen. Hear their answers.

Nobody can truly be close to me and not know that Melissa Etheridge sings to my soul. You cannot listen to her song Talking to my Angels and not think of me. If you really loved me enough to know me personally, you would know that they will be playing her song, This War Is Over at my funeral someday. You would know that I long to visit Ireland and that I love fairies because I think they are our guardian angels. You would know about “those two people” that I write these articles and stories for. You would know what “the Winnebago Years” are all about. You would know that when I am really angry and losing control that you need to distract me with something logical to wrap my brain around and I will suddenly start pulling myself back together. You would know that lying is my biggest pet peeve.

What do I know about the people I love? I know that she does not drink caffeine anymore and always orders strawberry lemonades when we go to lunch. I know when he lies to protect me and when he lies to protect himself. I know by the look in their eyes, when my children are starting to get sick. I know why she keeps trying to become a vegetarian and why she fails at it. I know that music haunts his soul even though he is stuck working as a salesman. What would I know about you if I loved you enough to really get to know you?

Are we so wrapped up in ourselves, our careers, our own personal schedules and goals that we forget to really connect with our loved ones? When was the last time you really checked into the hearts and minds of those you profess to love? We all change, grow, evolve. Are they still the same people you fell in love with? How would you know? I am not who I was fifteen or twenty years ago, or even the same person I was five years ago. Are you? Are they?

What is the greatest gift you can give someone? Your full attention and focus. Take the time to really get to know them after all these years. Fall in love with them all over again. Get to know them as if you have just met. Of course you have to honor their secrets, be loyal, do not use the information to play power games or to ever belittle them. That destroys trust. Use the information to pick out the perfect Valentine’s gift, to plan the perfect vacation, to surprise them with a movie they have never seen but will love, or to simply bring them their coffee with the perfect amount of cream and sugar before they even realized that they wanted some.

It can be as simple as asking them, “Tell me about yourself. Tell me what the world looks like through your eyes.” Create the little moments that say ‘I love you’ by knowing what ‘I love you’ looks like to them.


Need someone to talk to about life's challenges?
Skye Thomas is available for life coaching.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge






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Tomorrow's Edge
...inspiring leaps of faith
www.TomorrowsEdge.net

Books, articles, newsletters,
life coaching, and horoscopes.

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