Skye Thomas

Skye Thomas
Writer, Rebel, and Soapbox Ranter

Sunday, November 11, 2012

How to Break Up with Honor - Looking Up Newsletter

November 12th, 2012
Looking Up Newsletter

Hello everyone,

Tomorrow is my youngest son’s 11th birthday. We will be celebrating and having fun. Therefore, I am sending out tomorrow’s newsletter tonight, so that I have more free time for putting frosting on cakes and blowing up balloons tomorrow morning. His birthday always launches the holiday season for our family.

Now begins the battle between my love of holiday baking and my desire to become reacquainted with my waistline! Treadmills and frosting.

take care,
Skye Thomas

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This Month's News of Interest:

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Books by Skye Thomas

Who is Skye Thomas?

Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow's Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. Her books, articles, and astrological forecasts have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. To read more of her articles, previews of her books, and her astrology forecasts, go to To read more about Skye and to read archives of this free weekly newsletter, go to

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Quote of the Week:

You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make. - Jane Goodall

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. - Amy Bloom

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katharine Hepburn

Feature Article of the Week:

Breaking Up with Honor

I wish I could say that all relationships turn into ‘happily ever after’ but that is just not true. Sometimes you work hard at making a relationship move forward and it simply does not have that special spark of magic needed to make it over the long haul. Other times, you entered into the relationship for all the wrong reasons and now it is time to bail out before you really hurt the other person. Nobody can really help you make the decision to stay or to go. You know in your deepest heart of hearts if the person you are involved with is good for you or not. You know whether you really love them or just want to love them. Nobody can make you fall in love, not even you. It happens or it doesn’t. So for the sake of this article, let’s assume that you are in that place where you have made the tough decision and you are going to end the relationship you are currently involved in. How do you make it as painless as possible for both of you?

Have you ever found yourself going along enjoying what you think is a perfectly pleasant relationship only to have the other person dump you without explanation? Or worse, they do it without even facing you? It is bad enough to have a relationship end, but to not even know why can cause our inner-critic to come out and wreak havoc all over our poor self-image. If you think that you are doing them a favor by not telling them what they did wrong, you are sadly mistaken. You are making it even worse for them than if you had simply told them the truth.

If the other person did something wrong, like you caught them cheating or they have some sort of a major flaw in your opinion, then you have to make up your own mind how best to word things. If they do not ask you why you are breaking up, then I guess you could keep it to yourself. However, if they ask you why you are ending the relationship, unless you really hate their guts, you owe it to them to tell them the truth. One would hope that if it was something they could fix, that you would have at least discussed the subject with them before deciding to break up. If after trying to openly and honestly work through a problem, it just does not work, then you can tell them that it is that same problem that you tried to discuss with them earlier. They will already know that you were not happy about it.

If the person you are dumping did not do anything wrong, then tell them so. There is nothing worse than tearing yourself apart after a break up trying to figure out what you did wrong. Why did they leave you? Wasn’t everything going so nicely? Tell them the truth. If you are a player and you never stay with anyone for very long, then you should learn to say so… preferably up front at the beginning of a relationship, but if not then at least relieve them of the self-criticism that happens from not knowing why someone is leaving. If you are dumping the person because you have been flirting with someone else and have decided that the other person is smarter, better looking, funnier, wealthier, or whatever else they are, then you should tell the person you are dumping the truth. Do not tell them that you think someone else is superior to them. Tell them that you have been cheating on them and that you have found someone else. You should make it clear that you cheated because you were selfish or undisciplined not because they are flawed.

If you are going to break up with someone, you should honor them enough to do it yourself and preferably in person. If you cannot do it in person, then at least speak to them on the telephone. Do not use the Internet to end a relationship. Do not do it via any form of a Dear John letter either. There was a time when you could not get in touch with soldiers and others who were overseas any other way. However, our modern communications system is such that most people can be reached by telephone even if only occasionally. I used to tell people not to break up with soldiers until they are home on leave. However, I have been told that the military actually has a pretty good support system set up to help each other through break ups. I still think it is a harsh thing for them to have to go through, so you still need to be honest and admit it if you are the one that is fooling around and not honoring your commitment to wait for them.

Do not send your friend to do it for you and do not do it when they are going to have to be seen in public for the next few hours. Do not do it during a lunch date when you know they have to go back to work. Do not do it on the way to a major event. Do not call them at work to do it. Do it in person on a Friday evening when they have the weekend off to recover before going back to work on Monday. Make sure you time it so that they have time to ask questions and to make sense of it all. If you really feel that the two of you would be better off as friends, then tell them how much you really mean it that you want to remain friends. Sometimes we really can be friends after a break up, but it can take a bit of time. Speak to them with the same kindness and honesty that you would want someone to use with you. Walk in their shoes throughout the process.

Need someone to talk to about life's challenges?
Skye Thomas is available for life coaching.

Copyright 2004, 2012, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge

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Tomorrow's Edge
...inspiring leaps of faith

Books, articles, newsletters,
life coaching, and horoscopes.

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